Quite frankly, I wish personal growth would just happen! I wish I would just get better and money would fall out of the sky. I wish my waist would get smaller even as I sit on the couch in front of a warm fire eating Breyer's Vanilla Bean ice cream. Oh, how I wish it was easy!

Okay, enough whining, enough dreaming, enough lack of reality. I have it out of my system! The reality is that it is work to grow personally. The sooner we realize that, even lovingly embrace that, the sooner we jump on the highway of success! The fact is that we "have to" do some things!

As my uncle the truck driver use to say to me when I was a kid, "Wish in one hand and spit in the other – then see which one fills first." (Remember, he was a trucker, and somebody else may have been a bit more elegant, but I still remember it today, 25 years later. I recommend however that you take it at face value. It isn't a fun experiment to actually carry out.

Without any further ado, here are the seven "have-to's" to achieve personal growth for yourself. Don't wish anymore! Get on the ball and start reaping the rewards!

1. You have to know what it is that you want. Wanting personal growth isn't enough. Do you want more money? How much? Do you want to lose weight? How much? Do you want a spouse? Who? Do you want to travel? Where? Do you want more freedom in your professional life? What would that look like? Clearly define in your mind what it is that you want! Once you do…

2. You have to decide that you really want it. Do you really want it? That is the place to start, really, because I have realized working with people that many of them really don't want what they think they want once I talk them through all of the issues. Is this what you really want or is it a dream you have to escape something else? For example, do you really want to quit your job and start your own company? Do you want the risk of reputation? The risk of capital loss? Do you want to work from six in the morning until nine at night, seven days a week for the next two to three years? Do you really want it? Yes? Proceed…

3. You have to be willing to sacrifice to get it. What will you give up to get personal growth? I know what I have to give up to be able to fit into size 32 pants – mud pie! Now, you may not think that is so bad, but you don't know how bad I love mud pie! I know that it is a sacrifice for me to get to the gym every day of the week (okay, I usually take two Sunday afternoon's a month off). I know how much I write the check out for each month to belong to the gym – it would feed a small army. This is sacrifice, all of it. What are you willing to sacrifice to get personal growth in your life? Are you willing? Then proceed…

4. You have to be willing to be criticized. Surprisingly, the average person doesn't like the average achiever. Why? Because they make the average person feel, well, average. They resent that the achiever makes choices they don't make, even though they could too. And they secretly resent that the achiever benefits from rewards that they don't. It seems odd, but working with thousands of people over the years I have seen enough jealousy and envy to fill every seat in the Rose Bowl. Can you handle that to various degrees? Then see number five…

5. You have to decide you want it more than other pleasures. What is more pleasurable: Ice cream every night or a proper weight? What is more pleasurable: Sitting on the couch or pounding away on a treadmill? What is more pleasurable: Spending your money on the things you want right now or saving for later? What is more pleasurable: Getting off at five every night or working endlessly on the weekends? What is more pleasurable: Reading a favorite novel or a technical book? What is more pleasurable: Four weeks of vacation or one? You get the point. In order to grow personally or professionally, there will have to be a desire to work hard in spite of the pleasures that call your name. And if you work it right, in the end there will be plenty of time to reward yourself with the pleasures of accomplishment. Do you want it more that other pleasures? Really? Then let's move on…

6. You have to take a long-term approach. Why do most people fail to accomplish their personal growth goals? Because they take a short-term approach. They know what to do. They do it for a week or a month, then they quit. Every January the gym gets so busy. Then February rolls around and I have no problem getting on the machines! In order to accomplish your personal growth goals, you absolutely, positively must view it as a long-term goal. For example, when most people want to lose weight, what do they do? They change their diet until they lose it. Then what? They change it back and gain the weight back. Instead, they ought to say, I am changing the way I eat for the rest of my life and slowly but surely my weight will take care of itself. And it does! Are you capable of seeing your personal goals in the log-term? Well then you are ready for number seven…

7. You have to diligently, methodically, and relentlessly work at it. Every day, every week, every year. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it. I was on a conference call with Zig Ziglar last night and he made an incredible revelation. For 25 years he has read for three hours a day! No wonder he oozes information! That is diligence. That is methodical. That is relentless! Can you do the same for yourself in the area you want to grow in? Certainly! But will you, that is the question. If you do, you will achieve any dream you set forth for yourself!

You can achieve personal growth! It is entirely possible for you to live your dreams! Put the above to work and you will see them unfold before your very eyes! Just remember, it won't just happen to you, you "have-to" do some things!

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"The scars you acquire while exercising courage will never make you feel inferior." -- D.A. Battista

"Courage is a special kind of knowledge: the knowledge of how to fear what ought to be feared and how not to fear what ought not to be feared." -- David Ben-Gurion

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers." -- Dorothy Bernard

Courage. It is a word that conjures up images of great and dramatic actions. And yet I realize that we all have the opportunity to be courageous every day, in small and large ways. And it is when we choose to be courageous that we change our lives and the lives of those around us.

Can you name anything of any significance that did not emanate from some sort of courageous decision? I can't. Think of the changes that we have experienced in the last few decades and trace them back to their initial decision. Chances are, someone exhibited courage.

So what is courage? It is simply acting on what we want to do, regardless of any fear we may have. It is the choice to disregard worry. It is the choice to do right, to pursue our dreams, to be successful people, to lead the way for others.

Courage changes lives. Yes, it changes lives.

First, the day you begin to stare down your fears and worries, and instead act courageously, your life will change. You will be set free to fly like you never have before. You will accomplish things you once only dreamed of. You will experience things you thought were only for others - the courageous ones. You will realize that your fears were baseless and just paper tigers, a mirage. You will begin to live your dreams. You will become a person of character!

You will also change the lives of others. Simply put, courageous people pull others along with them. Everybody benefits from courageous people. I have a friend who I admire greatly. A little over a year ago he decided to leave a lucrative career and pursue a dream. All obstacles were thrown his way. The day he left his company, he found out that his wife had cancer. He went into a great deal of debt to finance his dream. He raised millions of dollars, putting his name and reputation on the line. He acted courageously. A year later, he has over fifty employees and growing monthly. Those employees are reaping the benefit of his courage! And his wife, who beat cancer, is acting courageously with him!

Here are some quick tips for acting courageously:

Know what you want. Courage is about choice. If you are to act courageously, you need to know what the right choice is. Be clear about your dream and vision.

Do not worry. I heard recently that worry is the wrong use of the imagination. That is perhaps the best definition I have ever heard. Worry is just thinking about all of the bad possibilities, isn't it? Well, courage is just thinking about all the great possibilities and then acting upon them!

Do your homework. It helps to get the facts. It helps because then you can make an informed decision that will put your heart and mind to rest. There will probably be a downside, but we understand it, choose alternatives and act decisively instead of those.

Act. There is no substitute for the first step. Do you know what you want? Have you thought of the possibilities? Have you done your homework? The next step is to take the first step, and ACT!

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Take care to feed and stimulate your brain, and you will expand your mind. A healthy brain is central to a healthy mind. The two are inextricably connected. We need to see the human brain and mind with wonder, awe and inspiration.

But first, what do we mean by “learning?”

Here’s how some dictionaries define it:

--the act, process, or experience of gaining knowledge or skill
--knowledge or skill gained through schooling or study
--behavioral modification especially through experience or conditioning
--to gain knowledge, comprehension, or mastery through experience or study

Keep this in mind; learning is gaining knowledge through various means.

Now, a little about the brain:

The brain is the equivalent of a human supercomputer. Your brain is more complicated than any computer mankind has ever made. Maximizing your brain’s ability is essential to becoming the success you desire to become—because it controls who you are. It is the command center involved in and controlling absolutely everything you do. Your brain determines how you think, feel and act.

Simply put: When your brain is working at peak performance, it allows you to be your best, because it controls the rest.

Here are some facts about the brain:

It is about 2% of body weight.
It consumes about 20-30% of the body’s energy.
There are about 100 billion neurons in the brain.
Each neuron or nerve cell is connected to other nerve cells in the brain.
There are more than 1,000,000,000,000,000 connections in the brain.
Each one of these neurons is a little “learning center” capable of storing knowledge.

Needless to say, most of us have barely scratched the surface when it comes to tapping into those neurons!

There are some basic influences on the brain that shape how it functions and how far it develops. Some of these include genes, health, injury, self-talk, life experiences, stress and study (or lack of it). Notice I said that these influence the brain, but they do not determine how far you can go or what you can learn, except perhaps in the case of severe injury or mental retardation. In other words, you have the incredible opportunity to go as far as you desire!

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The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.

Managers help people see themselves as they are; Leaders help people see themselves better than they are

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Imagine that you get a call from a nationally respected headhunter. She represents a company that wants to hire you. In fact, she’s offering a signing bonus and a 20 percent pay increase. Your authority would increase, and you would get an ownership stake in the company. It’s a job you know you could handle, with responsibilities you know you would enjoy.

The drawback? You would work on a team with a reputation for mediocre work. It is known in the industry for doing no more than what it takes to get by, and there’s no indication that the leadership at the company plans to change that. Mediocrity is so much the rule at that company, in fact, that you’re a little concerned that they would want you. Do they really think you’d fit into that culture?

Despite the material benefits, many of us would turn down such an opportunity, rightly recognizing that it fails to satisfy one of our most basic needs—the desire to work with people who share our commitment to excellence.

The best want to work with the best. In fact, just one weak link can dramatically influence an otherwise strong team—ultimately leading to turnover among the best producers. So if we want to recruit and keep the best people for our teams, we have to recognize the importance of a strong weakest link.

We can demonstrate the impact of the weakest link with some basic math. If you have a five-person team and all five people are “10s,” then you might add that up and say your team is a “50.” But what if one of those people goes into a funk and becomes a 5. Now your team is a 45, and its effectiveness drops by 10 percent.

That’s a pretty big impact, but it still falls short of reality. In the real world, synergy exists, so our impact on a team is more like multiplication than addition. One and two doesn’t equal three in teamwork; with synergy, one and two can equal ten.

Consider the previous example but with multiplication. 10 times 10 times 10 times 10 times 10 equal 100,000. But 10 times 10 times 10 times 10 times five equal only 50,000. One weak link reduces the team’s effectiveness by a whopping 50 percent.

Clearly, the way to keep good people is to keep them around other good people. When good people find themselves working with people who are not carrying their share of the load, dissatisfaction creeps in. Pretty soon, the productivity of the really good people begins to fall off too. They lose motivation for excellence or they just get worn out from carrying someone else’s share of the work. Eventually, the best leave for greener pastures.

Everyone on a team needs to add excellence, which means leaders first need to place people in roles that make the most of their gifts and talents. But a person with the right skills and the wrong attitude is still like the proverbial bad apple that spoils the whole batch. So if you want a team that experiences low turnover and high success, fill it with people who are both capable and committed to doing great work.

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One of the keys to success is to have successful relationships. We are not islands and we don’t get to the top by ourselves. And one of the key ways to grow successful in our relationships is to be “life-giving” people to others. Every person we meet, we either give life to or take life from. You know what I mean. There are people who encourage you and when you are done being with them you feel built up. Then there are others who you feel torn down by. Successful people are people who have mastered the art of building others up.

One of the ways we build people up is to praise them. There is power in praising people! Something begins to happen in them, in you, and in your relationship when you praise someone. Remember a time when someone told you something about yourself in a praising manner? It was great, wasn’t it? You probably liked that person more after they praised you, didn’t you?

Now I am not talking about praising people for the sake of praising people. I am talking about honestly looking for and praising positive character traits and actions of others around you. Don’t lie to people. If they have done something wrong, correct it, but when they do something right, praise it!

With that said, here are benefits of and ways to start praising people.

Benefits

•Your relationship grows. Life is about relationships. Family relationships, friends and co-workers. When we begin to praise people for their positive aspects, our relationships grow. It puts them, and us, on the fast track.
•Your leadership and influence grows. Who is going to have greater leadership and influence capacity in the lives of their followers, the one who tears down or the one who builds up?
•Stronger relationships and loyalty. When the person is appreciated and praised, they become fiercely loyal, because they know that you care for them, love them, and appreciate them. This will take you to success.
•Happier, more fulfilled people. I truly believe it is our job to build others up, and that they need it. It is a good thing to invest in the lives of others by praising and encouraging them. Even if we never get anything in return, it is the right thing to do to build up other people. Someone else will always come along to tear them down; the successful person will instill in them the power of praise!

Some Ways to Praise

Character traits
Is there someone you know who is joyful? Hard-working? Honest? Then let them know how much you appreciate that in them. You can do it with a word or a card, or a phone call. Say something like this, “You know, Tom, I think it is great that you are such a hard worker. It seems like you are always the first one here and the last one to leave. You really set a good example and I want you to know how much I appreciate that.” Simple!

Action
Same idea as above. “Sue, I don’t know if anybody else has told you this, but your work on the Johnson account was excellent. You have a wonderful ability to communicate the vision of the project, and that helps all the rest of us out in our roles and tasks. Thanks for that. It is greatly appreciated.”

Other ways you can show praise and appreciation is with a card, a gift or time off from work.

Make it your goal to praise at least five people a day. If you can, praise 10 people a day. Or perhaps you can try to praise everyone you come in contact with. It just takes discipline and a little work.

Any way you cut it, though, there is power in praising people. First for them, then for you!

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Have you ever walked into a room and couldn't remember what you went there for? Have you ever grasped the hand of a potential client and then when the handshake broke, the name seemed to disappear from your memory? Or have you ever left a prospect and as you drove away remembered a key point that you should have shared with them?

Of course you have... we all have. However, I have some great news for you. Your memory is nowhere near as bad as you may think it is. A few years ago, I was a guest at a radio station in Waco. The disc jockey wrote a 50-digit number on a sheet of paper and told his listening audience and then played a three-minute song for his audience.

As the listeners enjoyed the song, I memorized the 50-digit number. When the song was over, we went back live on the air and I handed him the paper. I then proceeded to recall the number forwards and then I again backwards. The disc jockey looked at me in utter disbelief and stunned he said, “Ron... you are incredible!” I looked him straight in the eye and replied, “You know... you are right!” I said, “Jay, the greatest computer ever created does not come from Dell or Gateway. The greatest computer ever created does not sit on the assembly line of a computer factory. Instead, you and I are the greatest computers ever created. And yes... you are right. I am incredible... but so are you.”

The human memory has the ability to hear a 100-digit number or more once and then repeat it forwards and backwards. It has the ability to memorize a Shakespearean play word for word or memorize the stats of every baseball player for the last 100 years. And the human memory has the capability to meet 100 people in 20 minutes and recall every single name!

Now, the question is, are you doing these things? If not, the reason is simply that you have not been trained to. Two thousand years ago a Greek named Simonedes developed a memory method called “Loci.” With this method, Simonedes numbered locations in his home. He started in the doorway and then logically proceeded around his home. He reviewed these items so many times mentally that if you asked him what was number 25, then he could instantly tell you what piece of furniture that number corresponded to.

These 25 objects were actually mental files for Simonedes. If he had a list of items he wanted to recall, he would place them mentally on these objects in his home. Let's say that you are a professional who wants to give a speech without notes. Simply turn the key points into pictures and then file them to your “house files.” When you are called upon to speak, simply mentally walk through the house and give your talk without notes.

For example, I gave a one-hour keynote in Atlanta at a home builders conference. I wrote my speech out the night before. The first thing I wanted to do was talk about the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” So I visualized the book on my front door and then mentally walked through my house and gave the one-hour talk without notes! That can work for you as well. Anything that you want to recall, simply turn it into a picture, place it on your house files and get ready to be amazed! YOU are the greatest computer ever created!

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One of the first things successful people realize is the old adage, “If it is to be, it is up to me.” That is, for you, the fact that your success and your course is up to you. This doesn’t mean that you do it all alone. It simply means that you take responsibility for your life and your career.

Too many people today look at opportunity and figure it is up to someone else to make sure they get it. They look at financial security and hope that the government will make sure they live safely in retirement or in case of disability. They wait and wait, figuring that it is up to someone else. And then the wait is over, and it is too late to do anything. Their life is over and they are filled with regret.

This isn’t true for you however. You know that you must take responsibility for your life. It is up to you.

The fact is that nobody else is going to do it for you; you must do it yourself.

Now, some people may say, “Jim, that’s a lot of responsibility.” Friends, that is the best news you can ever hear. You get to choose your life. Hundreds of millions of people all around this world would give anything to live in the situation you do, just for the chance to have the opportunity to take control of their destiny. “It is up to you” is a great blessing!

Here’s why:

1. You get to chart your own destiny. Maybe you want to start a small business and stay there. That’s great because you can choose that. Maybe you want to create a small chain of stores. Maybe you want to have a net worth of $100 million. That’s okay too. The idea is that you get to choose. You can do whatever you like. Different people have different dreams and they should live them accordingly.

2. You can reap what you sow. Sleep in and go to work late and reap the return. Or get up early and outwork the others and earn a greater return. Place your capital at risk and earn a return or place it at greater risk and perhaps reap a greater return. You decide what you will sow and, thus, what you will reap.

3. No one else can stop you from getting your dream. Yes, there will always be things that come up and people who may not like what you are doing, but you can just move on and chart your own course. There is great freedom in that.

4. You experience the joy of self-determination. There is no greater pride than knowing you set your mind on something and accomplished it. Those who live with a victim mentality never get to experience the joy of accomplishment because they are always waiting for someone else to come to the rescue. Those who take responsibility get to live the joy of seeing a job well done.

Let me ask you a question: Where will you be in 5 years? 10 years? 25 years? Do you know? Do you have an idea? Have you ever dreamed about it or set a goal for it? Are you willing to take responsibility and recognize that, “It is up to you?”

You will be wherever you decide to be in those timeframes. You decide. It is up to you.

And that is very exciting!

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